Showing posts from 2016

The Uncle on the Shelf

Imagine waking up every morning for a month with the feeling that someone is watching you. Maybe that someone is staring at you until you get out of bed because you snoozed your alarm, again. How very naughty of you. You could be in some pretty significant trouble now. You carefully sit up and look around. Seeing the coast is clear, you breath a sigh of relief.  But alas, maybe this person is hanging out in the bathroom, waiting to wag a finger at your floss-free regimen. You know you should be flossing, but lately you just haven't had the time or patience. Phew, he's not in there either. Relieved the first two rooms didn't house the little know-it-all, you sleepwalk your way to the kitchen, prepare yourself an English Muffin and put on the kettle to warm up some hot water for your cup of tea. You feel delightfully cozy and peaceful while you carry your tea and muffin to the living room. Today is going to be a great day. You took the day off to finish up your Christmas s

A Family Affair

I needed to get home. It was nearly midnight and he would be waiting up for me. My hair was no longer down and playful the way it had been when I had first arrived.  It was pulled back in a messy bun, mirroring the way I felt inside. The last few hours had been filled with an effortless passion that I would not soon forget. It woke me up inside and made me feel guilty from my head all the way down to my toes. It wasn’t right feeling this way. I was married and married women weren’t supposed to stay out this late with other men.   I knew if I had too much to drink, I wouldn’t be able to resist the temptation that was in front of me. And sure enough, I wasn’t. One by one my walls came down and before I knew it, I was putty in his determined hands.   I would leave that night forever changed by his persistence. He was willing me to unravel. Every time he reached for my hand, I reached for my drink. It was a subtle game of cat and mouse and by all accounts he was winning because with eve

The Seven Shes

I knew at a very young age that I was one of the lucky ones. I sat at a consistent lunch table every day with girlfriends that I could share my quirkiest thoughts and feelings with, knowing they wouldn’t judge me.   They loved me for everything that I was and even crazier - everything I was not. I had a boyfriend who didn’t pressure me into having sex and six best friends who would take a bullet for me. These two notions made my high school experience relatively extra ordinary.   It was rare, but it was real. I wasn’t afraid of being teased and I wasn’t anxious that I wouldn’t fit in. I just did. We all just did. My seven girlfriends and I were a rare breed of “friend.” We had a strong bond that would have errored on the side of a clique had we acted like those typical high school bitches. There were enough of us to act like that, but instead we chose to not exclude other girls for not being one of “us”.   We welcomed them in and learned lessons from each of them, which we in turn ta

Momma Sutra

"Hey, Mom, check out my awesome, new, pink vibrator," doesn't exactly roll off the tongue the way that, "I just got a great new scarf from Anthropologie," does. At least it didn't in our very Italian, very Irish, Catholic home. Growing up, I was one of three sisters who had a Catholic education from elementary school through college. I always felt like our denomination followed us around like a big ol' birth mark. We were Catholic school girls for life and so any mention of vibrators, condoms and birth control was pure blasphemy. Let me put it to you like this, the first time I let my high school boyfriend put his hands under my shirt I swear I went home and said the Act of Contrition. God had to know I was sorry and that I would try not to allow it again. So when my mother found a suggestive email that I had written to my boyfriend months later, I was sure that I would need more than just a prayer to get me out of that one. If you think I am des